Busted
by Onileo
Summary: After a fight with a hunter-nin, Kisame wakes up on the wrong side of the ocean, and in the one place no wanted man wants to be, jail.  Rated for mild language.


Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

A/N: Just a little AU humor. Cuz I was bored and sometimes you just need a victim...or three. Enjoy!

Busted

"Who do you think he is? A bodybuilder? George must have had one hell of a time hauling his ass to the cruiser."

"I don't know, but he must have been real close to dying in the water to still be blue."

"Why didn't he take him to the hospital then?"

"He tried. They wouldn't take him inside with that thing he's got. They were afraid it was a weapon. Looks like a feather duster to me."

"Wonder why he didn't just take it."

"He said he tried that too. Then he said that blades came out of it and tried to attack him. Personally, I think George needs to lay off the caffeine. Or get off of nights. It's going to his head."

"Who's doing the intake when he wakes up?"

"Uh, Barry I think."

"Heh. I'm just glad it's not me. That guy just looks like trouble. Who gets a tattoo of gills on their face anyway?"

"Not me, that's for sure."

Kisame groaned and opened his eyes as the invading conversation grated on his ears. He immediately regretted it as a harsh light sent pain shooting through his head. Lifting his head to keep from being blinded, he found himself sitting in a bare, windowless room, the cold uncovered metal of the chair beneath him seeping through his clothes. The empty table where his head had just been was the only thing between himself and two men in a dark blue uniform, wearing belts with several objects he had never seen before, but he was sure one was definitely a weapon. The thick metal door behind him slid open as a third man in uniform walked in, then it slid shut and locked with a loud click.

Damn. Getting captured was not going to look good on his record. He had to get out of here and get back to Amegakure as quickly as possible. And when he found that stupid hunter-nin from Mist, he was going to make him pay for paralyzing him. Who uses a jellyfish to fight with anyway? He clenched his fist, and to his surprise, found that his grip was firmly planted on the hilt of Samehada. He resisted the urge to smirk. There were definite advantages to having a sword no one else could wield. He wondered just how many fools nearly lost their hands before they gave up trying to take it from him.

Straightening in his chair, he waited as the new intruder pulled out a chair and sat down. It squeaked on the polished floor, the harsh sound making him wince. "Go easy on the ears." he grumbled. "I just woke up."

"Do you know where you are, sir?" the one he presumed was Barry asked.

"Somewhere I don't want to be." Kisame answered.

"You got that right." the man standing to the right of Barry commented.

"Shut up, Chuck. You're at the Los Angeles Police Department. One of our officers found you unconscious on the beach and brought you in."

"Am I a prisoner here?" Kisame asked.

"We'd just like to ask you a few questions." Barry said, pulling a sheet of paper from the stack he brought in with him and clicking a pen. "But you can't leave until we do. First, what's your name?"

"Hoshigake Kisame."

"Hoe-she-gah-key." Barry enunciated while writing. "That's your first name?"

"No, Hoshigaki is my clan name. My first name is Kisame."

"Damn it, I wrote it backwards." Barry cursed as he crumpled the sheet of paper and drew another one off the stack. "Okay. First name: Kiss-ah-may. Last name: Hoe-she-gah-key. Any nicknames?"

"Monster of the Hidden Mist." Kisame replied with a toothy smirk.

"Whoa! I've seen some dental filing, but that is just crazy." Chuck's partner said.

"Nah, Tom. It matches the gills. He must think he's a shark." Chuck said with a laugh.

Kisame glared at them even as Barry signaled for quiet. "Okay, nickname: Monster."

"Not 'Monster'. Monster of the Hidden Mist."

Barry sighed. "Does it matter? It's just a line on the paper."

"Yes it does."

"Fine." Barry grumbled as he filled the rest in. "Next, what is your address?"

"My what?"

"You know, where you live." Tom replied sarcastically.

"I can't tell you."

"And why is that?" Barry asked, clicking his pen.

"Because I'd have to kill you." Kisame replied.

"Funny guy, huh?" Chuck said as he laid one hand on the table and leaned in until he was a foot away from Kisame's face. "How about we charge you with threatening an officer of the law? Then we'll see how much you're laughing."

Kisame started to rise from the table, his hand still on Samehada's hilt. "How about I cut your legs off and shove them down your buddy's throat?"

Barry laid a hand on Chuck's arm, pulling him back. Then he pointed to Kisame. "Sit down, now." he ordered. "We'll get what we can and come back to the rest. What's your hometown?"

Kisame slumped back in his chair. He had no idea how far he had drifted on the open water before he wound up in Los Angeles, but it was obvious that these guys were not shinobi, and had no idea on how to deal with one. Absently, he ran his thumb over the skull on Samehada's pommel. Since he was here, he might as well have fun with these guys before he killed them and left. The most ironic part was that all he had to do was tell the truth. As long as he made sure to destroy the paper Barry was writing on before he went. The one called Chuck seemed particularly short tempered. He would enjoy shredding him.

He must have taken too long to answer, because Barry was tapping the pen on the table repeatedly. "Hey, Sammy!" Chuck yelled at him.

"It's Kisame. Not Sammy. And my address is Amegakure."

"How do you spell that?" Barry asked.

Kisame spelled it for him, and waited for the next question.

"Do you have a P.O. Box number or a mailing address?" Barry asked.

"Uh, 25." he replied, hoping it was a reasonable number."

"Okay. Address: P.O. Box 25 Amegakure. What state is that in."

"It's not in a state. It's in Rain Country."

"A foreigner, eh. Tom, get immigration over here."

"Sure." Tom replied before heading out the door.

"I think he's just screwing with you again, Barry. I've never heard of Rain Country. And I doubt they would have a postal system like ours."

"We can always charge him with falsifying information once we start the investigation." Barry replied.

"Investigation into what? I haven't done anything but sit here and tell you the truth." Kisame asked as he narrowed his eyes. Well, some of it was true.

"If you claim you're not from the United States, then we have to investigate where you _are _from so we can send you back to your government. You can't just show up without a passport or any other identification and expect to stay."

"I hadn't planned on it." Kisame replied. Guess that means they won't let him leave peacefully. Good.

"Back to where we were. Do you have a phone number?"

"No."

"Alright. Next we need to take some demographic information. Sex: Male. Age?"

"32."

"Height?"

"Around 194-95 cm."

"Weight?"

"83 kg."

"Race?" At this, Barry scanned Kisame's bare arms and face, noting that he was still quite bluish looking.

"I'm from Kirigakure, in Water Country."

"Okay..." Barry said, not bothering to question it, just writing it down so he could get this insanity over with.

"Occupation?"

Kisame grinned, his eyes gleaming. This was where he knew he would get them. "I'm a shinobi."

"A what?"

"A _ninja_."

Chuck burst out laughing just as Tom came back in. "They said they'd send someone over... What's so funny?"

Barry snorted. "Our friend here just said he's a ninja."

Chuck started turning red. "Yeah, a ninja. A seven-foot tall, blue, _caught_ ninja. If he were any more full of shit, he'd be brown."

Kisame laughed right along with them as he rose from his chair and stood Samehada on its end beside him. Suddenly, all humor left his face and a feral gleam entered his eyes. Leaning forward, he laid his free hand on the table, mimicking Chuck's posture from earlier. "Yeah, a ninja. Allow me to demonstrate."

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Pushing the door to the base open, Kisame walked inside. The first thing he did was head to his room and place Samehada in its stand. He would get around to cleaning it after breakfast. Then he headed to the kitchen to grab something to eat. It was fairly early in the morning, so he didn't expect to find anyone else up yet. But when he walked inside, Deidara was sitting at the table, drinking a cup of hot tea. When he saw Kisame, he grinned.

"You're in some shit, man. Where were you last night? You know you were supposed to leave with Itachi at sundown for a mission, yeah."

"I stopped off at a village called Los Angeles."

"I've never heard of it. What were doing there?"

Kisame pulled out a water-stained piece of paper rolled into a scroll. Opening it, he started to read. "According to the Los Angeles Police Department: Threatening an officer of the law, falsifying information, and entering the United States without proper identification. That was before destruction of federal property, three counts of murder, and fleeing the scene of a crime."

"Why did you do that? Pein-sama will be pissed if he's forced to clean up another mess for you."

"They asked stupid questions."

Downing the last of his tea, Deidara chuckled as he stood. "Sounds like fun. Wish I could have been there, yeah."

"Keep asking questions and you'll find out all about it." Kisame replied as he poured himself a cup of tea.

Deidara glanced at Kisame sideways before slinking out the door. In the hallway, he passed Itachi. The Uchiha gave him a casual nod. "I heard Kisame was back. I assume he has a good explanation for being gone last night."

Deidara grinned as he kept going down the hall. "He was just out having a little fun, but I wouldn't ask him about it if I were you, yeah."

The End


End file.
